When i was seeing Sister Marie for baptismal counseling, about 2 years ago, i had a concern that caused me to ask my father to step in. It was a sexuality issue that i didn’t t know how to resolve.
My father said that would be “altruistic” for him to get involved. As if that settled it
So, a little while later, my brother committed suicide.
None of us knew how to take this.
He didn’t leave a note. There was no warning.
We moved forward in a strange dance. Not knowing how to understand.
Its been about a year and a half now, and i think I have come to an understanding of the situation. In February, my mother died suddenly, and it was like a dam broke.
I ended up on a psych hospital out of my mind; my father was hit really hard by the loss; my sister had also already just been divorced by her husband.
And, it looks like we are all–as an extended family–losing several cats to old age.
So, a whole lot of death and change.
I figured out that my brother’s suicide was altruistic.
In almost 50 years, nothing had happened in our family and it seemed nothing ever would. While i was at the personal care boarding home after the 5th suicide attempt about 2 1/2 years ago, a cousin in England died. That was the first inkling of what was to come.
Of course, my negative situation had been playing out across the canvas for decades.
Brother, you should have called me. I would have let you off the hook. It did not have to go down that way.
Thing’s were changing. I met Jesus at the Boarding Home.
You didnt understand.
Brother, im going to miss you.