“Every Cloud,” a book project that had me for so long, i have discontinued, set aside, abandoned, after this mention i will never again bring it to mind.
It led to a serious suicide attrmpt and a bankruptcy. Since then, my brother effectively commited suicide.
The book project kept me alive in the most visceral way: phone calls, contracts, credit lines, blog to book services, that was so sweet. I literally started falling away in my mind if i tried to set it all aside. I was struggling simply to exist. To keep my brain alive. And i am a writer so that was what i had to do. I got a partial edit contract, just to see how that would go; i was working from old blogs and other writing. It was so exciting to see all that old crap turned into something presentable!
But, it really wasnt. And, in the end i had to realize that.
And it is the same for my other project, California, a Pro-Life Novel. That one i won’t completely abandon but i will heed Sister Marie’s voice in my mind saying that i have been fed lies all my life regarding my own worth and importance, as far as the significance of that stunt.
So, i go on my merry way today with another med change that involves binge eating; and on tenter hooks living here with my father in the wake of my mother’s sudden death earlier this year.
So much change has really shaken me up; and i think i really may be able to create a book in the near future.
