First of all, the cat, Sasha, i didn’t explain to anybody what happened with the euthanasia because i didn’t realize how important it was to get it said.
Something untoward happened at the last munute on the way to the vet, an urgent care clinic at an unfamiliar location.
I forgot to indicate as i was turning out of the parking lot I pulled into when i was doubling back from a turn i missed. And something came on board; as i get upset about this sort of thing. I think that at the time i thought it was my sons girlfriend; as there have been some issues there of “illegal boarding procedures”‘ that i have been trying to address.
my son; i will get to that in a minute.
Looking back, a few days later, i saw that it was Sasha takibg control of me. Maybe it was THROUGH my sons girlfriend; but, i clearly saw it: Sasha was telling me she needed to go: and it just had to be how it had to be. That poor little animal.
I had an outstanding issue with HUMAN euthanasia from a stupid stand i took in my Seminole political years, returning a pro-euthanasia group mailing with a rude remark; i knew this would backfire on me some day.
But, i am able to let that go; we change as we age. I was trying to reason it out what to do, but in the end , i took it on faith.
I NEEDED that poor little cat, and i also see that the Lord let me keep her as long as he did. She was the last living remunder of my mother. I was weeping and holding her and sobbing while i was waiting for them to bring in the paper to sign to euthanize her. She was laying her head down on the table. She was almost gone.
The next thing is about something ABSOLUTELY STUPID that has been going around about me for a very long time and there was nothing i could do about it but now I can. Its on the sexual abuse docket and its not very nice.
Its about family sexual abuse; pets; false beliefs and accusations, intentional and unintentiobal; true accusations; and abuse of animals.
There was a little girl down the street who i sexually abused when i myself was a young child. I think she was 5 and i was 7. I was putting pencils in her butt and getting her to do it to me. I felt like such a monster. This went on over a period of time, not long.
Looking back, i can see warning signs about this, upsetting incidents involving pencils, for instance. It was a very disturbed and disturbung situation.
In sround 2006, when i was living in Florida, i wrote a poem for my psychotherapist about sexually abusing my cats.
Just to get it out.
I did this.
I admit it.
I did it right after my father attempted to sexually abuse me the New Years before i went to college. I had serious gender identity issues because of this, plus the abuse by my brother and the being kneed in the crotch when i was little. Also, i had watched the cats mate. Then, my brother and i watched the mother cat have her kittens. Then, about 10 weeks later, my mother had the mother cat put down because my sister was about to be born and she thought she would scratch her.
Thus was all extremely hard for me in ways i can clearly document from my early childhood writing.
So, i was seeing a therapist in Florida in the 2000s; i was out of touch. I wrote it all out in a long poem just to get it all out, all the details of the abuse of CATS. For which i am COVERED. Because I LOVED THEM. And my husband was going to be a Scot of Clan Chattan, the Clan of the Cat.
I have already talked about all of this.
But there is a HUGE piece of confusion here that needs to be cleared up; about that poem. I wrote in there about “little Suzy,” and “poking her up the ass.” (Or, similar words.)
This is the “i shot the sherriff (but i did not shoot the deputy)” issue. That, and that I DID NOT SEXUALLY MY SON. (There were very unfortunate and inappropriate issues.)
ALSO: i did not ever in any way even remotely sexually abuse my sister.
It is very clear to me as i look back at this that this was Satan’s work about the poem. Because, i showed this poem to my parents. There were all kinds of unbelievable things passing between me and my parents and my husband and my son at that time. They had my husband completely hoodwinked.
My parents briefly had a little dog who my mother named “Suzy!” She was a rescue; then she got hit crossing the road and died.
For some reason i wrote in that poem about Suzy the little girl.
I tried to clear it up with my mother about that poem! It was about Suzy the little girl in NJ, not Suzy the little dog in PA. I thought she understood but i didn’t know. There was nothing i could do. This explains so many things. Everybody had it all wrong. There is a matter of tact here that was being VIOLATED. The idea that i would stick my finger up a dogs ass was being used to legitimize the craziest things! The dog was the deputy! I didn’t do that!
And i didn’t do that to my cats either! And i never said that i did!
My father was using that to discredit my religious beliefs and support his war on the church and everything i hold dear.