My father thinks that I need to know (for myself) what he thinks he needs to know to be a man.
Towards this end, he is constantly punishing, teasing and twisting me.
My sister, on the other hand, is perfect, sweet, a delight. They have a little romance. He likes to make that comparison.
She lives out in University Park, where she is working towards a degree in paleontology. She had a bunch of cats, one of them came here to die late last year, just before my mothers death in February of this year. So, my mothers cat, “Sasha,” became ill after my mother died. I had already asked my sister to take Sasha, as we sat beside our mothers deathbed; as i sensed that it was my mother’s wish; more so when Sasha became ill. But my sister continued to refuse. We do not get along well.
Sasha the cat was somewhat frightened of me herself. It was plain that she had trouble accepting food from me over and above not wanting to eat. Someone quoted the remark that pets will refuse food from a person who is a threat to their caregiver.
My mother and i were also on the outs and skirmishing while i was living here for the last couple of years and it has been decades since i was really on good terms with my family.
A couple of days ago I told my father that i consider that I emancipated myself from him and my mother when i ran away from home when i was 16.
That we are just roommates.
Thats a good place for us to be. A safe place. He doesn’t get it yet.
So, it really wasn’t appropriate for me to take responsibility for Sasha. But my father put me in the middle. I felt like he was playing a mind game with me. I just cant stand how he enjoys his own decision making process when in fact it is so faulty, he destroys my life with it.
He was inviting me into the logic of having her put down in a way that would mysteriously provided the exact logic he needed to turn around and get rid of me! They gave him meds to give her and he didn’t know how so he was going to put her down instead. And he thought up a bunch of crazy logic to justify it.
But it wasn’t crazy. It was calculated and and vicious . He wanted to put her I am also old and sick and people took care of me! And i was helping him put Sasha down. My mother hated me because he sexually abused abused me! How could i do that to her! And i am asking others to help me return from my long illness and why should they when i wont even take care of this poor helpless little animal?
The really horrible thing is that I was willing to go there for Sasha. I was in fighting trim, ready to get a urinary tract infection treated. And maybe a couple of shots for a digestive disorder. I fully planned to bring her home and for her and me and the other 2 cats to live out the next 2 years here. I figured that was about all me and Sasha had! It was just like me and Coco the little gitl mouse in Florida. I adored that little creature! Another female!
It was a stretch! But i was delighted to do it!
On the way to the vets i took a wrong turn; and, when i got there, the next thing i know is that the vet tech is showing me that Sashas skin is falling off and i am freaking out.
So. the vet comes in. She tells me this is one of the 5 to 6 worst cat cases she has seen in her entire career as a vet. That, to begin to treat her, we would probably have to start with the likes of a blood transfusion. She said something about her kidneys; also that her mouth was white instead of pink. Which meant she was anemic, which was why she said that about the blood transfusion.
And, i had exactly $200 from my father for this appointment, not a dime more.
She introduced the word “euthanasia ” and after that i was led.