Finally understood that the disappearing nytimes Opinion posts were about that I shouldn’t have been going back there.
I sort of knew this.
I was able to write out my book that way, but it was done.
I missed WordPress blogging!
That has been home since a bout 2009, when I first started blogging in a vortex.
When WordPress was young!
I made a suicide attempt over deleting a blog site where I had stood up to a lot of people!
I got some brain damage out of it.
But, here I am, a couple more suicide attempt later, still up and functioning.
It’s CRAZY GOOD what is going on now.
I am healing. It has taken four years (since November 2016) to get up again since the suicide attempt at that time.
I explained to the doctor in the ICU after that that the suicide attempt had become a part of my MO.
In the empty trailor that night, after falling all over the place and vomiting, I woke up after a couple of hours and said to the blank walls, “somebody call 9-1-1.” Well, I don’t know if anybody heard me; but my mother was there in the morning and I was taken to the hospital.
I woke up again when they were removing the breathing tube. It was HORRIBLY painful. And then, I went about 5 days without food or liquids. MORE, I dont really remember. I was waiting for water. Water was never the same after that. It never came back.
So, today, it is a question of my driver privilege.
For decades, I have had a driver MO where God has helped me in a situation where I had a sexual disability and I finally understood this situaiton where cars and America are about sexuality. I had a very hard time learning to drive because of the physical disabilitly. I was spastic. Just like, when I was a horse person in my youth, I could never get the hang of fences. One Two Three, Jump! I couldn’t sail over the fence on Jump! I couldn’t move with the horse.
I was plagued with constipation and other things, and I just couldn’t drive properly. Finally, my Ex picked me up and taught me. It took several years But I did become a good driver.
Recently, my son called me on some negative driving habits that were left over from driving all over the country, from California highways to Buffalo city driving to super-congested Florida suburban/beach roadways. For instance, I as speeding up to the lights and then breaking hard.
Because that was what felt good. But it was uncomfortable for my passenger and I finally realized that it really wasn’t safe and it was actually very wearing how I was speeding all the time.. So, the Lord brought me in with a driving covenant: I finally learned to use my side view mirrors. And, to respect the speed limit, to drive 5 miles under instead of 5 miles over the limit, not to go out if I was tired, et cetera.
In the end it comes down to my “fund of information.”
Decades ago, I didn’t know who I was in society, and this was reflected in my driving practices. i practiced EXTREME defensive driving. Keeping a distance from other drivers. I coiuldn’t sync with other traffic. I didnt know the rules of the road. I didn’t follow the news. I didn’t know what was going on.
I learned in Florida, a crazy wild west. People from everywhere trying to get along in traffic and in society.
In a way, I was accepted there as I hadn’t been, elsewhere.
Finally I had to leave.
Here, I have developed my own way of fitting in.
Given where I have been, and where I am, my driving is within normal parameters..