I wanted to tell you of the significant change that I experienced in the last few days.
I finally realized all these things that were explained by an understanding of my sexual disability since childhood.
The final and most important was my sick childhood feeling about Mother Mary, Grandad queered us so badly about religion but for me it was catastrophic.
I had the negative suspicion that St. Mary had a baby with somone else beside St. Joseph and they lied to everybody so she wouldnt be found out.
Now, even today, as I write this out as a suddenly healed person, I see how this doesn’t hold water.
It was so much more serious than I imagined as a little girl with distorted feelings that I couldnt explain to anybody.  I had no go to.  These sick thoughts and feelings percolated all those years.
Grandad showed us the image of Christ Jesus crucified in his Rembrandt Bible, and I was terrified.
Still, there was a sense if unreality because of the sexuality issues and all the reading.
Now I understand how Mary would have been STONED TO DEATH for doing that to Joseph.
I had an understandung of sexuality from watching animals in PBS programs in the evening and looking at pictures of topless African women on the cover of  National Geographic which was always sitting in the table in the study.  Probably like other young girls of my generation.
So, the Lord finally led me to relinquish that hurt and harm of myself–those negative thoughts and images of the Mother Mary.  I realized that I went there EVERY TIME I HAD A RELIGIOUS THOUGHT.  Such as the Word “Grace.”  It immediately made me think of Mother Mary and that sick image, my guilty thought, and my severe doubt!
Its gone!  Im healed!  Im NOT GUILTY!  It wasnt my fault!  THOSE bad thoughts–and everything they led to, came from a damaged nerve in a private place.  I hate to clue you in on this but it is the reality that I faced all my life until this present day
Its healed!  That nerve has healed.  The Lord has taken it out.  This has been going on for some time now.  
I am slowly, PHYSICALLY healing from that issue and everything that pertains to it.
Its GRACE!  no lol!

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