What About Me?!!!

There is old business here.

Georgia of my last post was a special and beautiful and disturbed prson.

There were several state hospital patients like that that I was extremely attracted to and one of them I made the WORST MISTAKE with. They were attracted to the Harvard thing and the Advocate President thing, not really knowing what that was.

I HAD SEX with friend Mark. I JUST DIDNT KNOW about that. My parents encouraged being “sexually active.” It was my fathers 50’s British University intellectual point of view that was COMPLETELY wrong in America; and, simultaneously, the sexual injury and the sexual abuse made me sexually overactive.

Now I know. Sex is for one man and one woman in a marriage to make babies. I really didnt have that information.

So, I got involved in a sexual relationship at the state hospital; after a weird incident where my farher called me up on the patient phone at the state hospital asking for a contact for psych help for him.

I was just FLOORED by that. Mark stepped up. We were walking outside the Lodge Unit buiding and I fell into step with him. He said, “I have come to your emotional rescue ” It is the title of a Rolling Stones album. Then, we were “boyfriend and girlfriend.” He used to make fun of that. WE HAD SEX. I JUST SHOULDNT HAVE. WE SHOULD JUST HAVE BEEN FRIENDS. IT WAS ME.

I have this problem, because of my sexual disability, if something feels really good, but its wrong, I have a difficult time letting go of it; because I so seldom feel any pleasure.

I just loved him so much, he had a very special and profound mind. I used the sex to hold him

MARK, IM SO SORRY. That tree didnt bear good fruit. I remember the horrible things I did to you that weren’t called for…

These people were small, vulnerable, and protected.

I was small and vulnerable inside too.

But not protected.

I took a hard hit over the years over Harvard/ the Harvard Advocate/the Wernersville State Hospital 2 years and the aftermath.

I have been stuck here pending the resolution of all this…

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