Update to last night’s post, “Misperception vs. Reality”

I became a stalker in South Central Florida.

I posted about the Nurse Practitioner gyn person; we were pleasantly “invited” to Florida with a good job offer, but after we got there we were beaten all to hell.

It was me of course. In my mind I was still dealing with the diffIcult and deleterious experience of the state hospital. Because my parents wouldnt let me out. They let me return here; but not really. I met Alex and left. The truth was that I was homeless. He had just been through a Hurricane in the Virgin Islands. We pooled our resources and lived together camping out homeless in an apartment complex outside Houston, where we married for the Green Card (work permit; he is Canadian) so that he could stay in the country. Otherwise, I would have lost the relationship.

Then, we had a child; after moving to California, I got pregnant and we returned from San Diego to Buffalo. And my parents pushed the bogus, banal and stupid obligation if a socially proper marriage on us through a psych hospitalization at Johnson Hopkins Hospital where they LIED.

That poor baby! My son! He needed help!

Here I am! 26 years later, circling back to find you, Ian!

In Cambridge, Mass, after graduating from Harvard, I was hanging out in Harvard Square. I was embarraassing myself and my family by having sex with a person who was part of the street life in Harvard Square. His name was Barry. He was a busboy at one of the restaurants. I used to sit alone with a book in the Au Bon Pain on the corner and he sat down abd started talking to me. I was just so terribly ill, sick, depressed, and suicidal, I fell into a relationship with him.

I realIzed A LONG TIME LATER, that there was a reason for that relationshio that I didn’t undersatand through my uncontrolled, inaporioriate sexuality through the sexual injury in childhood that had not yet in any way been discovered or addressed.

At the time, I just BLAMED MYSELF And that in itself was the center of my illness, leading to constant suicidal ideation.

It was so suck what I was feeling.

This person was from Lancaster!

My parents were about to move here, to Berks County, a couple of hours from there.

He went to a bookstore on Brattle Street where I had put in an application for employment and got my number from them.

I was upset. But, as my 1st state hospital doctor said when I got to Wernersville (WSH) 2 years later, I had diffuculty at that time handling situatuons. Next thing I knew he came down into Harvard Student Agencies on campus where I was doing some typing work.

The plot thickens after that; it is for my book.

Suffice it to say that Barry came looking for me here when I was at the state hospital.

I had a similar expweuwnce with Georgia whom posted about twice yesterday. It is awkward to back to the reality of those times in the past because the person in the present objects.

I remember visiting Lancaster Country Day School with her, where she had been a student in her younger years.

I was aware through this that she was some kind of local socialite. That’s how I saw it. I dont mean to be rude but that IS my serious situation here. My parents had moved out of a very fast crowd in Northern NJ and I had been part of one through Harvard that people dont usually see.

At WSH, the first tine I went. One of the nurses commented, “youve probably eaten at better restaurants than us!” That was probably because of the fuss I nade over the food at first– I got used to it. But for the first two weeks I DIDNT EAT. It upset everybody It was a loving community and my love was out of style.

They bumped me up to the Lodge Program, even though I wasnt wanted there; AND I didnt want to go. The other patients there said I looked like somebody who would kill people. That would be because of the catheter injury in the ICU. At the time didnt understand. They also said that I ruined the hospital. Just because he knew I was afraid I had. In fact, my theory about that woman, who said I looked like that, was that McCormick, the Program Manager, who had designed this unique and experimental program and hated me and did not bother to disguise this, used that woman to use me for himself move in to other work. When I returned–disabled and deranged from what they did to me–after running away–he was gone. They said he went to Hershey Medical Center.

My father had played into all of this by telling me that what I was going through there was par for the course, organizational politics, same as if I was in the army or the government

Generally– in the past– where I got really mad at something my father did– it turns out that– through the Lord, it is for rhe best. Right now, he is suffering from some deficits.

So, when I returned to the Lodge Program, after runnung away, I ran unto Georgia, and she appeared to be the go to for my situatuon there.

Instead, she turned out to be another Lancaster stalker; a person with an attitude.

Next thing I knew that was playing out AGAINST me on the worst ward of Windmoor psych hospital in Clearwater

So thats my story about Georgia and about Barry and what happened to me; the rest is for my book.

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