So, at the state hospital, WSH, at the end, on rhe Lodge Program ward, I was carrying on a lovely relationship with 3 men about my own age–mid 20s. We regularly ordered pizza and Greek salad from the Italian restaurant nearby in the highway at the end of the lane, using our workshop pay.
For me, it felt like a beautiful time. Now, I have realized that others faulted me for it. I was promising Louie a plane trip back to Australia on my retroactive 5000 dollar check from my disability pay that I had just been awarded and then I just left. And, I was engaged in a sexual skirmish with Glen, who had serious issues with his sexuality.
To that, I want to say, well, that is my issue, but they just wanted to say get out; and thats what they did. I had my pay, I could leave. I got patient Mark who had returned to the hospital to move to a nearby apartment with me.
Then the retroactive payment ran out and I only had the monthly check and I had to ditch the apartment and my father DID finally let me return here to live with him and my mother. Two years later I met Alex and the rest is life as I have known it for about 30 years.
So, I finally figured out after posting about it a day or so ago that that incident of the “Advocate President” stooping to cut a male homeless persons toe nails and thinking that it was a brilliant gesture was a Satanic scene.
NOT a witness as I had thought.
I had everything mixed up.
And this makes sense of a lot of things for me.
Thats purging the negative from the past. In the other direction, which is the trajectory into the future, i had the most incredible, astonishing insight. About the hemorrhaging time for 4 years that turned into 4 1/2 decades. And the St. John of the Cross quote about “no lost time in Jesus” and my little poem about Time when I was in the 4th grade.
That was just how it had to be. Because of the clitoral injury. I glimpsed for a moment today the dull tedium of an ordinary day beyond any current crisis and realized what life with this injury acknowledged would have been. Instead I was held in a limbo 6 feet off of the ground.
So, its an incredible day for me.
Dont know what else to say.