Betrayal

I finally found out that my sister seduced my husband. I always knew she dissed me to him.

So, she never knew it but for that reason I dissed her to her old boyfriend’s sister–the one who “ate condiments for food”–when we were out on the patio smoking that Thanksgiving that his family came here to share the meal. I told her (his sister) that she (my sister) was “immature ” Because she–my sister– had asked to spend a “sleepover” with my little boy and I was very distressed by this. I said no.

So, that boyfriend was flirting with everybody including my mother. He stayed in the apartment here for a good 2 years after my sister left to go out West.

Then, she married someone else. My mother reported that she said she was “trumping” me by marrying a man from South Florida–out in Utah–when me and my son and my ex were living in South Florida.

I wasnt invited to the wedding, a fairy tale affair with a gorgeous white dress out in the woods.. Her friends also didnt show up, I heard.

So, yes, she did that–or could–because my brothers ex-wife asked that me and my son and my ex not be invited to their wedding back in 1995 (?) when we were living in Maryland. He vetted out his old friends to exclude the majority of his old friends from when we were growing up in New Jersey.

They went through a horrible divorce back in the 2000s and in 2018 he jumped off a cliff in Maui.

This came after my own nearly fatal suicidal overdose in 2016. Once again, God didn’t take me. Since then, I have been constantly laboring back to life. My mother says the doctor said I was 2 hours away from death.

I love life now.

Life is beautiful. Suicide is stupid.

If there remained any doubt in my mind, my brothers death convinced me otherwise. Suicide is stupid. What a stupid idea. I did it 5 times Every time I was severely scarred. I think of my brother’s poor body on the rocky shore at the foot of the cliff, left undiscovered for days, a week, and I cry.

After the overdose in 2016, they put me on Clozaril, the first “newer” antipsychotic med and it is truly a miracle. Because of my history of starting and stopping anti psychotic meds, I cannot be without an antipsychotic med; and most antipsychotic meds make me suicidal; the Clozaril does not (and, I have also added a new antidepressant that doesnt have any noticeable side effects.)

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