Finally its past tense.
I am held there now for hurting men.
Because of the malpractice early in MY psych care that started on my leave of absence half way through my senior year, this never got addressed as it should have been.
There was a very real reason for this abuse of men and I knew it and was DESPERATE to explain myself and I knew somebody needed to be asking me questions like that CHILD PSYCHIATRIST did in Millburn, New Jersey and that the questions that he asked me were the wrong questions. The issue was sexual. Not just sexual abuse but sexual injury and all kinds of related issues with sleep, a bizarre eating disorder, constipation, drinking, cigarettes, illicit drugs, promiscuity, I wasnt even dressing appropriately.
Things not likely within the purview of a CHILD psychiatrist. None of this came up. The stuff that he asked didnt touch on ANY of my real issues.
38 years later I am looking at all of this in the light of my brothers suicide 2 1/2 years ago.
I am seeing that everything was held in error through lies and confusion.
There is nothing that can be done to fix it. We all have to move on.
My son has a lovely young girlfriend, the Lord shows me that they will marry.
She is from Brazil, adopted by an American family at age 7. Today, while they were visiting to address a tense situatuon here with my aging farher, I prayed to Our Lady of Aparecida, the Patron Saint of Brazil, to guide her and for special discernment in America for her roots in such a beautiful culture and how to bring it to bear in this society.
I have tremendous faith in her, she is very beautiful and a virtuous person and I am pleased with my son for finding such a lovely young woman.
As for my Ex, I am praying that he will restore my married name so that we can all be Mackintoshes.