Well, this has been a bugaboo since the late summer of 2018, before my brother killed himself.
I reported to my psychotherapist at that time that I feared that the nun who was counseling me for baptism was exposing me to unwarranted personal intimacy. Not sexual abuse; just an emotional affair. I understood that I was exposing HER to weird sexual pressures that I thought I needed to expose as a confession to be prepared for baptism.
I really wanted to be CONFESSED; but I was afraid to ask that because my sins were so many many and so serious. At the beginning I sensed that it wasnt really going well but she kept me coming back as was her duty.
My therapist didnt believe me. Sister M. said she wouldnt. I then went to my farher for help because I was really scared and he said, “That would be altruistic,” (for him to help me); which was simply baffling.
I kept hearing mental messages saying not to tell and then I was in the parking lot outside the McDonald’s near the psychotherapists office eating a breakfast sandwich; where there usually werent any other cars; and a large SUV with an elderly woman in the drivers seat pulled up on in either side;
And i knew it had something to do with Satan and telling or not telling but I didnt know how to go and I DID go into the psychotherapist office and DID tell and she DIDNT believe me. She said it didnt happen. What I said.
I got baptised a few months later after my brothers suicide. Then they asked me to go to another local church.
I jyst couldnt even believe it was well enough for me to get baptised, I didnt think it could really happen.
And its was really good how it went. The Lord told me not to go as I was getting dressed and on the way, but I just couldnt magine not going after waiting ALL MY LIFE to get there; and its was just a short jump away to do it and for it to be done.
So, I went there anyway and did it anyway and there was a problem.
There was something like a miracle that happened to me when he poured the water over me at the fount in the chapel. Like brilliant white liquid light pouring through ne.
But, I have been running from that, I was worried because he wasnt able to to pour all the water over me; he was fumbling over it.
I was on a trajectory that I couldnt stop, im realizing 2 1/2 years later; and forgiving myself. It was as the Lord wills it.
Then, a little while after that they asked me to go to a different Catholic Church.
My father explained a long time ago about the rudimentary facts of Catholic baptism and I knew that these were satisfied. I am now a Baptised Catholic Christian to the best of my knowledge. My understanding is that you cant be baptized twice.
It was an emergency baptism The Lord is telling me. That need was met. It needed to be.
It was a the Lord willed it.
I learned about human error and I am a different person through it.