In sorry dear, but I meant it when I made it over with you at the side of our mother’s death bed.
Obviously there needed to be a go-to for a new relationship but that didnt happen.
Im over the rote, silly dance in our family where I was marked lame and not allowed to participate and yet expected to hold YOU anyway.
I tried to leave open a way for a meaningful dialogue but you marked it a psychotic thrall and im sorry but I JUST DONT need that to bea part of my life any more. I am brain damaged from multiple overdoses and sexually damaged. Whats true about me is bad enough. I dont need the b s. of being held at bay FOR YOU anymore. I have been held for my illness ON YOUR ACCOUNT ALL OF MY LIFE. What about me? Where was I being held on account of me???
Then, I HAD A CHILD.
That was Judith’s battle cry, “the children!!!”
Then, I had one of my own!
What about me??? I was a mother. Ian was taken from me in ways I couldnt stop and I was SET ASIDE through MOST OF HIS LIFE through the manipulation of the perception of a mental llness that WASNT WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE when there were real life issues that needed to be addressed.
And Ian was FORCED to be a part of this.
Ian went to JAIL. After being lost to drug addiction for YEARS.
He is well now and that is beautiful. But there remain issues that need to be addressed.
And now, I have to move out of this LOVELY SITUATION with our father because the two if you queered it for me. I had to draw a line in the sand and then you crossed it. Twice
So, God willing, I will be leaving this place.