Old Friends

Amy, I’m reminded to ask you, I am in trouble over a Harvard/BU joke I told to Marcy when we were spending a lot of time together in the Boston area after graduation. Actually I am in a lot of trouble over jokes, I always loved a clever joke and people were always telling me them and sometimes they were about me and I didnt know it at the time. And I had the habit of repeating them in social situations. I told a horrible anti-Semitic joke at the Thanksgiving dinner table here in 2019 in a very anxious moment and, instead of covering me for it my father SPREAD IT AROUND publicly in a really loud and serious way. THIS WAS REALLY FRIGHTENING FOR ME. I have old friends whom I dearly love who are Jewish!!!

I had told a joke about PhDs at the dinner table in August when my sister was visiting (she is a PhD candidate at Penn State and her ex was working there in maintenance.) Her ex used the moment to leverage starting the divorce. That was my perception about what followed. As he did shortly afterward file for divorce and I felt threatened in this regard. She had pissed me off and it was a rude joke; OF COURSE, their COURSE there was to to fix it by coming down on me. Without acknowledging it because that would suggest that I had intelligence over Claire and/or a legitimate gripe. Which would prove that the joke was legit. She had disdained to hug me and muttered the word “freak” under her breath. I was working on a serious moment where I had discerned that “All abortion is wrong” and that was very healing and important for me and the product of decades of struggle and anguish and she was about to HARM ME!

So, my father knows I love a clever joke and why! It is because of him that I am TERRIFIED of sexual situatlons! And any social situation is one! I finally figured that out. It is NOT SAD (Social Anviety Disorder). I dont understand and dont respond because of PHYSICAL ISSUES and it is very uncomfortable for me. I just pass it off with a few jokes and wait until it is over.

So, that is the situation here and I sense that something TERRIBLE went around about a joke I repeated to Marcy decades ago, I wont repeat it just to indicate it I will say that it referenced a BU class ring.

I was told this joke by a fellow from nearby (here) Lancaster who was hanging out in Harvard Square and befriended me. At the time the connection wasnt as obvious to me as it us today, looking back. He told another, clever joke about Harvard and Texas A & M and I repeated that too and I wont share that either. And at a fashion luncheon event I went to that was sponsored by my DEAR FRIEND ALVENE, I worked for her as a typist at her Harvard Square Secretarial Service; I was with my new. Somerville, Mass. roommate/friend Martin, who was British and Mexican; I blurted out when someone mentioned Dean Epps, Harvard Dean of undegraduates, “wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot pole!” I have NO IDEA WHY I SAID THAT. Dean Epps was a great FRIEND to me through my experience of the Advocate magazine. He was a Black man, Alvene was also black. Her date was a white man, I am white, my date was 1/2 white 1/2 Mexican as I have said.

They were KIND TO ME; they absorbed that horrible misstep as good people would..

Recently–in the last week–I heard that expression repeated–about the”10 foot pole.” I never heard it from anyone else any other time except my mother so I took notice of that.

So I sense that this stuff us all comng out in the wash.

Aim, if there is any information you can give me in this regard, please apprise me, DEAR FRIEND.

i pray that you wont mind that I put this up as a blog post as I sense it may help me tonight.

Love

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