California

Ian, im sitting here thinking out college.

It took a lifetime to figure out the social bs mostly because of being English. And because of grandads hi-tech job. I had to go to a major university to field my needs and to fit in but I wasnt really prepared for it.

So, today, I am figuring out my major! I didnt really even know what that meant when I was matriculating at Harvard!!! I saw the course catalog and I didnt have a clue!

So, today I am thinking, APPLIED MATH. That should have been my major. I wast gifted at Math. Nobody even knew! Mr. And Mrs. Roney at Kent did and they CARED about it. He sternly warned me that my math skills would atrophy. Nobody understood at the time about my disability. They thought that I was just “too bright.” Thats what my parents and their friends and an intro physics teacher said in those words and IT WASNT THE CASE.

THERE WAS A SPECIFIC AND SERIOUS PROBLEM; which we all know about new.

On the Tegretol after rhe overdose before the state hospital (in 1988 -1990) my brain went into failure and I started losing words and simple arithmetic.

After a while–after the smoking in my parents oil fume filled garage–and then I was out in California-

– which made everything okay–I couldnt even write a check. That’s for real. I couldnt write a simple check and place it in the envelope and seal it and put it in the mailbox Every step was potentially lethal to my mind. In the 1st place I couldnt get a,”gestalt,” (a quick check) of the 5 fields if the check being properly filled out. There was some really weird stuff going on there with perceptual issues, the móment I did something it went out of my mind again and I forgot it. And there was some blocking of the tactile and other senses.

In California I was sick and crazy but it waa a good place to do this. It was accepted by others and it was just so beautiful there. I figured that it was that there was a use there for loonies because of the film industry!!!

It wasnt that I had OCD it was that my OCD was FAILING, my “checking” DIDNT WORK and I was HELPLESSLY HELD by it and THIS still true when I had you IAN.

That was why the doctor in California said I couldnt take care of a baby. By that time it wasnt as bad. But, I was talking about APPLIED MATH!!!

I lost my math skills!!! In favor of life skills!!!

But, now it is all coming back to me on your account, I ended up erring on the side of the Humanities, philosophy is the muscle of the humanities and I was good at that, but, also, I just adored the beauty

of literature as present to me in the form of my High School English teacher, Mr Gould, recently deceased; and this wife deceased in the 80’s. and I also fell through a course on religious literature to CHRISTIAN FAITH; that was a long, hard road; through all of this I stayed alive; I want to suggest to you that it IS worthwhile to pursue a higher education –I just laid out how mine went for you to dissect.

So, yes, I am seeing it myself, I am seeing that everything is because of Stevens death, as I posted last night, but, also, Mr. Gould. That also happened about 3 years ago and I didn’t know about it until a month ago. That really changes things. Its come to that point: people are starting to die off. Im almost 60. Time to hunker down.

So, yes, i am here to talk to you about college; I hope to pursue a writing career and it would have helped if I had a better English degree, or any degree, for my life as well as for a book. But, you can only do what you can do. I opened up an international parhway and alsi an intra-national pathway for this family, and for myself; for better or for worse; through going to Kent School and Harvard College so that you and Dad and I (and Hauana?) could be a family together in the United States with all our different backgrounds. So, I pray that you dont mind if I post this I think that It would help the situation.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s