To Claire

After 34 years I am able to address the fallout of my healing on the Lodge Program psych unit at Wernersville State Hospital where I stayed 2 separate times from 1987 until 1988.

Something happened there that I didnt understand.

I was deathly ill when I got there. The pain–which I can now connect to both the long-acting shot of Haldol and the torture from the clamped catheter in the ICU when I took the overdose–was so bad.

Then, my father called and asked for help. He wanted me to connect him to a psychiatrist. I believe he said our mother had convinced him. This queered me really badly. It upset me I didnt know how to help. I was a state hospital patient!

I walked out the door and met Mark S., a tall, dark, and lovely man who “came to my emotional rescue”–that’s what he said. Its the title of a Rolling Stones album.

And so began the rest of my life.

When he left the hospital a terrible situatuon befell me that I have been working out ever since.

I am saying to myself, two Marks; two terrible situations. Because the situation that followed the breakup with Mark C. at Harvard–what happened after the breakup–was what landed me at the state hospital through a situation at Harvard that similarly blew me out of the water AND hadnt been resolved yet.

So, all this was going on. In the meantime I am working this all out TODAY. I am going to where I kept trying to find the “match” to the problem I was having with female patient P. And that process was continually happening and continuing failing and my mind was coming apart.

CHRIST

This was the Satanic spell. That person on 37-1was uncreating me.

Jesus is the magic to resolve this.

PRAYING

And, as that was going on, I saw all the women in my life that I feared I had hurt, or otherwise had issues with, including my sister, Claire.

So, I am going there, today, to where I have sensed the possibility of resuming communication with some of these people where it had been cut off for decades.

Then, I saw, with Claire, not to.

But, I did want to point out to you, Claire, that our journeys have dovetailed and not to worry. You’ll find yourself in the right place in the right time. I had to be held in a thrall for the “Sleeping Beauty” fairy tale quality of the marriage to prove through for many reasons.

Jesus is the magic to resolve this.

This just in…

OF COURSE!!!

It dovetails.

I said to myself later. I got the help I needed. I WANTED someone TO TAKE me apart the way it was done there, I just didn’t have the time and place to connect that situation with my other realities that were so different from the experiences of so many local and parochial people at the state hospital.

Through it all I get the help I needed so, I can forgive everybody involved and continue to accentuate the positive and be the happier, better, and more positive person that I am becoming.

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