First of all, there was another Lancastrian, another Lancastrian stalker, as I have said so many times. Barry from Harvard Square in the 80’s.
Or, was I the stalker?
in both cases. my damaged sexuality was an issue.
TODAY, I learned that in the case of Georgia in her native Allentown, the real issue all along was my sister Claire.
I used to say (at that time) that my life was “like a bit part in some else’s novel.”
I didnt see it then. I just knew the feeling.
I had a lot of clever expressions for saying how miserable I was. But none that were able to communicate the issues I was having to my psych providers.
As I said, TODAY, I realized that CLAIRE WAS THE SITUATION ALL ALONG. I never knew. SHE was the one who was patching Georgia through to me; among other things.
The basic issue always was my damaged sexuality (not understood in words). Claire and one of here friends back in New Jersey in the 80’s caught me slushing water through my groin in the pool at the house in Summit and laughed at me; I was so ill. I turned that around and turned to her. She turned THAT around and turned to our mother; who sat on the hedge. The ball got dropped and nobody ever picked it upagain. I took that back to Cambridge with me and it got me into that horribly inappropriate relationship with Lancastrian Barry. It is my parents who were at fault. They always turned me over to the conmunity or anyone who wanted to trash me. That was their policy. They had a beautiful life. I was a problem for them.
So, here it is some 35 years later and I am still experiencing these sick serious issues with my broken heart, life, and mind.
But, I am no longer suicidal in fact, through Jesus I am JOYFYL and, I cant wait to see what he does next!.