Letter to My Husband

"Salvation is here..." From a popular Christian song. I could never figure out why they didn't do anything when they took me out of the ambulance literally kicking and screaming back in the summer of 1986, after I lost control after stopping the Mellaril (an older antipsychotic medication) after getting out of getting out of … Continue reading Letter to My Husband →

Brothers death “altruistic”

When i was seeing Sister Marie for baptismal counseling, about 2 years ago, i had a concern that caused me to ask my father to step in. It was a sexuality issue that i didn't t know how to resolve. My father said that would be "altruistic" for him to get involved. As if that … Continue reading Brothers death “altruistic” →

Old book projects d/c’d

"Every Cloud," a book project that had me for so long, i have discontinued, set aside, abandoned, after this mention i will never again bring it to mind. It led to a serious suicide attrmpt and a bankruptcy. Since then, my brother effectively commited suicide. The book project kept me alive in the most visceral … Continue reading Old book projects d/c’d →

Sane

i am putting this back up today because everybody is making me mad. i wrote it a week ago, and then took it down the following morning: It comes upon me to write this post exposing my father's folly in his married and other personal life after about 6 1/4 years since a suicide attempt … Continue reading Sane →

Prophet of the psych ward; AGAIN

This has been my role for so long. Life drives you to this. I had the coronavirus mask; and the sunglasses to cover my poor broken eyes (shock; eyelashes all gone.) And then one day I put on the hospital robes, one front to back, the other back to front; and it triggered my old … Continue reading Prophet of the psych ward; AGAIN →

Prophets

It's about abortion. "I am the king of the world." "My name is David SON, S-U-N of GOD." I was constantly going to writing a novel called "Voices," I just liked the sound of that title. "My name is power." Uh hmm. (This is a patient from the state hospital speaking through me over the … Continue reading Prophets →

MO

Its the newer anti psychotic med that has been causing all this for me. What a horrible night. Left at 7 a.m. without even taking my meds. Drove around all day for 5 hours. Didn't even feed the poor cats. So, I was thinking, maybe I just wont even go back. And, I realized I … Continue reading MO →

The Biggest Lie

I just uncovered the biggest lie of my whole life and it was put there by Satan. Oh my! I made a suicide attempt when I had just turned 22. I was such a child; I didnt know how to do it. So, i tried to get pills. I went to my mother's doctor and … Continue reading The Biggest Lie →

Wondering

As i sift through my past in light of this new information--that my cat's pregnancy back in 85/86 traumatized me FOR A REASON; i am looking back on the stays at the state hospital during 86 to 88 with new insight. I understand that there was a reason for me to be there. The first … Continue reading Wondering →

Cat complex

Posting from my cell phone because this is a sudden, intimate moment. Have been posting momentously, privately. Now, it's about the cats. Because now i see why i was so obsessed over my cat Daisy, getting pregnant when i sent her here from Mass. after relationship with roommate, J. in apartment there broke up in … Continue reading Cat complex →