Last night I went to be without taking my bedtime medications. After a brief moment of sheer terror, I embraced the day, and it has proved through the watershed of my brother's suicide. The denouement is that I finally understood that my first psychiatrist--"CHILD psychiatrist!" I always said-- was right in putting me on an … Continue reading Hallelujah


my mother and father are in their early eighties.  my brother's suicide has been too much for them.  I was baptised into the Catholic Church yesterday.  It was a beautiful private ceremony.  Of course they were not invited.  They are atheists.  Unfortunately, my father closely guards the Catholic baptism of his youth. It is one … Continue reading fight

After 40 years, Hope

At "Hutton" University, not its real name--perhaps you can guess the real name --i became a Pharisee.  It took time.  But after the state hospital--i clearly remember the moment--i heard the words describing the requirements of a SUPREME COURT JUSTICE--that they must take care not only of the fact if propriety but also of every … Continue reading After 40 years, Hope

More of the Half-Lives of a Suicide

I don't know why he did it.  Surely he could have picked up the phone and called somebody. I am going back in my mind to age 17 when I first desperately needed help, after my father tried to touch me.  I was thinking about the money, why I have never had enough money, and … Continue reading More of the Half-Lives of a Suicide

Suicide live online day 2

Actually we dont know exactly when it happened.  I am speaking of my going public here about it.  He we t mussi g over 2 weeks ago and his body was found in daylight hours there the day before Thanksgiving. Its been a slow burn. Thus morning at the Starbucks drivethrough the person ahesd of … Continue reading Suicide live online day 2